This as-told-to essay originates from a thoughtful and wide-ranging dialogue with Jeffrey Selingo, the acclaimed journalist and author of *Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You*. The conversation has been carefully condensed and refined to ensure both clarity and conciseness while preserving the richness of his insights.

For decades, I have dedicated my career to examining the complex and ever-shifting landscape of higher education. Beyond my professional focus, I also navigate that world from a personal standpoint—as a parent of two teenage daughters in the 8th and 10th grades. Recently, someone asked me the question that every education writer-turned-parent dreads: what advice do I give my own children when it comes to selecting a college? My response, distilled from years of reporting and reflection, is simple but often unsettling to parents and students alike—let go of the notion of a so-called *dream school*.

High school students are frequently captivated by the idea of one perfect institution—a place that symbolizes success and promise, often a marquee name like an Ivy League university or a member of the Big Ten. Yet, from my perspective, the concept of a single, flawless “dream school” is a myth. In reality, the true dream school is not about prestige but about *fit*: the environment where a student feels intellectually engaged, personally supported, and positioned to thrive academically and socially. It is also an institution that makes sense financially, yielding a meaningful return on a family’s investment in education rather than burdening the student with unmanageable debt.

So, how does one identify this more authentic version of the dream school? Here are several guiding principles drawn from my years observing both families and institutions as they navigate the admissions process.

**1. Begin conversations about college early**
Too often, families wade into the college search already halfway downstream. They compile a list of universities based merely on the ones most visible on social media, noted for their athletic teams, or frequently praised in popular culture. However, this approach skips the most vital step: understanding what truly matters to the student. I encourage families to pause and redirect the conversation. As early as 10th grade, start engaging your child in thoughtful discussions about what they hope their college experience will look like. Do they envision a large campus in a bustling city or a smaller liberal arts college set against a quiet, rural backdrop? What kind of academic programs, social environments, or extracurricular opportunities are most appealing? In addition, financial factors should be part of that early dialogue. Clarifying these preferences long before creating a college list sets a far more intentional and grounded course for the search ahead.

**2. Move at a deliberate pace**
Starting early provides the invaluable luxury of time—time to explore options at a manageable pace rather than rushing as deadlines loom. Casual campus visits, whether during family vacations or weekend road trips, can help a student develop a sense of how different institutions feel beyond their marketing materials. Sometimes, these informal visits challenge preconceived expectations; a student who once imagined preferring a massive research university may discover they are more comfortable in an intimate college community, or vice versa. The key is to observe, reflect, and let impressions evolve naturally rather than making premature decisions based on reputation alone.

**3. Address financial realities openly and early**
Discussing money can be uncomfortable, and many families postpone it until the acceptance letters start to arrive. But deferring that talk until the end of the process is financially unwise—it’s akin to ordering a lavish meal without glancing at the prices on the menu. Transparency around finances from the start empowers students to make choices based on feasibility as well as aspiration. Parents should articulate what they are realistically willing and able to contribute toward tuition and living expenses. Together, families can make use of helpful online tools such as the Department of Education’s net price calculator and the college scorecard, which reveal a truer picture of costs, average debt levels, and post-graduation earnings. Understanding these numbers early prevents painful surprises later.

**4. Give priority to strong first-year programs**
The transition from high school to college is significant—socially, academically, and emotionally. Schools that provide structured first-year programs, mentoring systems, or orientation experiences that help students adjust to campus life can dramatically influence a student’s early success. These initiatives offer a foundation of support during a period that might otherwise feel overwhelming. When evaluating institutions, families should look for evidence of such student-centered programming; it often signals that the institution invests deeply in helping newcomers flourish rather than leaving them to struggle in isolation.

**5. Think carefully before pursuing early decision**
Over recent years, early decision applications have become increasingly popular. Many students see them as a strategic advantage—they believe applying early raises their chances of admission at selective colleges. While it is true that early decision programs can slightly improve odds of acceptance, they come with a major caveat: binding commitment. Because students must agree to attend if admitted, they lose the ability to compare financial aid offers from multiple schools. This restriction severely limits financial flexibility. Consequently, I advise only pursuing early decision if your student has thoroughly researched the institution and feels an unwavering certainty that it is the right choice—academically, socially, and economically—not simply because of perceived admission advantages.

**6. Construct a well-balanced college list**
Once your child has developed a clear sense of what defines their ideal environment, help them assemble a list of approximately ten institutions that reflect a realistic spread of possibilities. A healthy balance might include three aspirational or “reach” schools where admission is less likely, three target schools where the odds are favorable, and three safety options that are nearly certain—but keep in mind that “safety” is never absolute in today’s unpredictable admissions climate. Finally, add one wildcard—a school that piques interest for less conventional reasons, perhaps because of an unusual program or unique campus culture. This combination ensures a range of outcomes while expanding intellectual curiosity.

**7. Create balance by not obsessing about college**
During the junior and senior years of high school, conversations about college often dominate family life. They pop up at the dinner table, during car rides, and even in the most casual chats with relatives or friends. Constant focus on the topic can amplify stress for both students and parents. I encourage families to establish boundaries—choosing days or times when college talk is off limits. This small act of restraint helps protect the student’s mental well-being and allows them to enjoy other aspects of senior year, which should be more than a prelude to college admission.

Ultimately, finding the right college is not about chasing prestige or conforming to societal pressure; it is about aligning one’s individual strengths, personality, and goals with an environment where those qualities can be nurtured. By progressing deliberately, communicating openly, and focusing on authentic personal fit instead of reputation, families stand a far greater chance of discovering not a mythical dream school—but the real one that enables the student to thrive in every sense of the word.

Sourse: https://www.businessinsider.com/college-admissions-expert-jeffrey-selingo-how-to-pick-right-school-2025-10