Conversations about money, especially when they occur among close friends and family members, often tread on delicate ground. Questions that may seem casual and harmless—such as inquiring about how much someone spent on their holiday abroad or making fleeting remarks about the size of a friend’s paycheck—can unintentionally cross boundaries and create discomfort. While these questions may arise from curiosity rather than malice, they are still common examples of etiquette mistakes that occur all too frequently when finances enter social dialogue. Yet it is important to note that money itself need not be an entirely forbidden subject. Instead, the key lies in approaching discussions about finance with thoughtfulness, tact, and respect for the other person’s perspective.
To provide deeper guidance on navigating this sensitive topic, Business Insider consulted etiquette expert Mariah Grumet Humbert, who shared valuable insights about the frequent missteps individuals make when money becomes a subject of conversation. Here are some of the major pitfalls she identified, along with her recommendations for handling them with greater awareness.
**Criticizing how others spend on hobbies**
One common mistake is passing judgment on how someone chooses to allocate their disposable income toward personal hobbies or leisure activities. Decisions about hobbies—whether it is curating a private collection, investing in art supplies, or pursuing an expensive recreational activity like scuba diving or skiing—are highly personal. When commentators question or criticize the worthiness of these expenditures, their remarks can easily feel dismissive of another person’s passions. Every individual values different pursuits, and what may look trivial or extravagant to one observer could hold profound meaning or provide a sense of joy and fulfillment to someone else. For this reason, Humbert stresses that choices about how to spend discretionary money rest solely with the individual, and outside opinions are often better left unspoken.
**Asking about the cost of major purchases**
Another misstep arises when people ask bluntly how much a significant purchase or event cost. This could involve anything from the price of a new car, the expense of hosting a wedding, the purchase price of real estate, or the cost of a luxurious vacation. While naturally tempting for the curious, such questions usually come across as intrusive and, at times, subtly judgmental. Humbert explains that fundamental etiquette discourages inquiring about costs, even within the family circle. Instead, if one wishes to acknowledge another person’s purchase or experience, it is far more considerate to focus on the meaning or enjoyment it brought them. Rather than asking, “How much did you spend on that trip?” one might instead say, “Your vacation looked absolutely wonderful—I hope it was an amazing experience for you.” This approach conveys interest and kindness while avoiding the pitfalls of financial cross-examination.
**Discussing details of salary**
Perhaps one of the most sensitive subjects involves salaries. Generally speaking, probing into what someone earns is perceived as inappropriate and disrespectful. Salary conversations can evoke comparisons, create hierarchical dynamics among friends, or even breed resentment. Humbert clarifies that there are only a few settings in which such discussions might be justified—namely within the workplace if the goal is to advocate for equitable pay or when speaking privately with human resources or colleagues about fair compensation practices. Outside of those professional circumstances, however, it is widely advisable to keep earnings information out of everyday conversations. By doing so, mutual respect is preserved, unnecessary competition is avoided, and the potential for interpersonal strain is minimized.
**Failing to communicate clearly in shared financial situations**
Another area rife with misunderstandings emerges in situations where costs are intended to be shared, such as contributing to a group gift or paying for a restaurant visit among friends. Etiquette errors often occur when expectations are not clearly communicated at the start. For example, one person might purchase a gift with the assumption that others will contribute equally, only to surprise them afterward with the cost. Similarly, when dining out, failing to establish ahead of time whether the bill will be divided evenly or calculated individually can create unnecessary tension. Humbert emphasizes that there is no universally correct arrangement—what matters most is open, upfront communication and mutual agreement. By ensuring that everyone shares the same understanding before expenses are incurred, awkwardness and potential conflict can be easily avoided.
**Bringing up money in inappropriate settings**
Finally, even when financial discussions are necessary, the context in which they occur has enormous influence over how the conversation is received. Humbert notes that timing and setting play a critical role. Raising delicate monetary matters during group gatherings, celebrations, or in casually public circumstances risks embarrassing the other person and drawing unwanted attention to private issues. A wiser course is to select a quiet, private setting where the discussion can unfold calmly. Entering such conversations with empathy, a collaborative spirit, and an emphasis on finding constructive solutions rather than assigning blame will create a productive dialogue. Prioritizing discretion and sensitivity helps strengthen relationships rather than placing them under strain.
In summary, while conversations about money can certainly be complicated, they need not be avoided altogether. With careful phrasing, respect for boundaries, and thoughtful timing, it is possible to speak about finances in ways that deepen mutual understanding while avoiding the etiquette pitfalls that too often lead to discomfort or conflict.
Sourse: https://www.businessinsider.com/mistakes-people-make-when-talking-about-money-etiquette-expert-tips
