When I look back at the beginnings of our marriage, it still amazes me how quickly and intensely it all unfolded. My husband Jay and I tied the knot when we were only in our early twenties, brought together after a whirlwind romance that defied all rules of logic and convention. At that time, Jay was serving in the Navy, stationed hundreds of miles away in Virginia, while I remained in Florida. The distance might have deterred some couples, yet in our case, it seemed only to intensify the connection we felt. We met in February, were engaged by June, and exchanged vows before autumn was over in October. In the brief months leading up to the wedding, our relationship was sustained almost entirely through long telephone conversations and the steady, heartfelt exchange of letters. Strikingly, by the day we stood before a small circle of family and friends to say “I do,” we had actually spent a mere two weeks together in person.
Marrying did not remove the challenge of navigating a relationship from afar. On the contrary, that remained a defining feature of our lives for decades to come since Jay continued to serve in the Navy for another twenty-five years. More often than not, he was physically absent, deployed at sea or stationed elsewhere for months at a time, leaving us to maintain intimacy through written words and occasional phone calls. Letters sent through the mail could take weeks, even months, to arrive, meaning that our conversations often stretched across time in uneven rhythms. Shore leaves were treasured opportunities for brief calls, stolen moments of connection in an otherwise vast expanse of distance, and each message left us counting the days until we could meet again.
Few people around us believed we would endure. From an outsider’s perspective, rushing into marriage with such limited face-to-face experience appeared naïve, if not reckless. Yet Jay and I shared from the beginning a powerful sense of solidarity — what I can only describe as an “us against the world” mentality — that carried us through difficulties and provided reassurance that, no matter the obstacles, we could withstand them together. That sense of unity became the foundation on which we built thirty-five strong years of marriage, a milestone we celebrate with gratitude today.
Central to our survival as a couple was the habit of constant, deliberate communication. We made a conscious decision to become each other’s refuge, our first confidant in times of uncertainty, joy, or hardship. While many couples lean on extended families or close friends for advice, Jay and I instinctively turned first to one another, carving out a pattern of trust and intimacy that became indispensable to us. That principle, forged during the long years of separation, remains just as vital today. Initially, our conversations came through letters carefully crafted over weeks, and rare but costly phone calls made possible when Jay was on shore. Today, thanks to technology, we stay in near-constant contact through a flurry of text messages, quick exchanges of photos, shared articles, playful memes, and frequent conversations on evenings and weekends. To an outsider, these frequent check-ins may seem ordinary or excessive, particularly in a relationship lasting decades. Yet for us, every “I love you,” every brief message, has accumulated over time into something extraordinary — a deeply rooted marriage constructed upon the unwavering rhythm of daily connection.
This steady dialogue has been the glue that held us close, protecting us from the kind of unspoken conflicts and simmering resentments that often erode long-term relationships. Instead of letting grievances linger in silence, we talk. Instead of drifting apart in moments of disagreement, we seek consensus. Though we naturally share many core values and a common outlook on life, when differences do arise, we persist in conversation until we discover where our perspectives meet. That ongoing commitment to communication has spared us from major disputes and preserved the harmony that consistently defines our marriage.
Another essential element of our lasting bond has been our ability to allow one another space for growth. Over more than three decades, neither of us has remained the same person we were in our twenties. Careers have shifted, interests have expanded, and even aspects of our personalities have evolved. These transformations, far from threatening to pull us apart, have instead been opportunities to embrace, celebrate, and respect each other’s independence. We learned long ago that any successful, lifelong partnership must accommodate change rather than resist it. By observing and appreciating the growth in one another, we have managed to move forward in a way that feels unified rather than divided.
One of the most deliberate choices we made as a couple was to postpone parenthood until later in life. Unlike many of our contemporaries, we did not start a family until our forties. That decision afforded us nearly two decades to establish a shared identity as a couple before assuming the responsibilities of raising children. The result was a strong foundation, built upon years of nurturing our dynamic as partners first. By the time children entered our world, our relationship was already resilient, well grounded, and ready to evolve into a new stage. It allowed us to greet parenthood not as individuals struggling to maintain balance, but as two people who already knew how to function as a team.
Now, with the Navy chapter behind Jay and with two teenagers at home, we find ourselves in yet another stage of life. Jay has settled into a teaching career, already a decade in, while my own days are filled with the busy rhythm of family and work. Even amid these competing responsibilities and the pull of everyday obligations, we carve out small but meaningful spaces for simply being together. Sometimes that means no more than running errands as a pair, lingering over a cup of coffee on a weekend morning, or chatting side by side after supper about events of the day and hopes for tomorrow. These moments, though modest, are vital reminders that our partnership remains central to everything else.
We also keep our eyes fixed on the horizon. Our conversations often move toward the future — imagining what life will look like when our children leave home, dreaming aloud about retirement, and visualizing the days when the household will once again consist solely of the two of us. These talks, optimistic and forward-looking, reinforce the idea that ours is not merely a relationship defined by the present obligations of parenting or work, but a lifelong companionship that continues to evolve.
Through it all, perhaps the most significant truth of our marriage is this: every day, we make an active choice to remain together. While popular wisdom often suggests that marriage is inherently difficult, I cannot honestly say that has been my experience. What others perceive as hard work has, for me, been softened by the knowledge that I never face burdens alone. We share responsibilities equally, from household chores to raising children to supporting each other’s professional pursuits. Just as important as the division of labor has been our willingness to acknowledge those contributions out loud. Expressions of gratitude — a simple “thank you” spoken as often as “I love you” — have become second nature to us, reinforcing our appreciation for one another and reminding us daily of the privilege of partnership.
From those daring beginnings, when two young people leaped into marriage almost blindly, to the present, where decades of shared experience bind us together, ours is a story of resilience. We have withstood separation, adapted to growth, balanced independence with union, and confronted life’s challenges side by side. Against expectations, our youthful gamble paid off. The strength of our union lies in the fact that, despite everything, we have never stopped making the simple, deliberate choice to hold on to one another, day after day.
Sourse: https://www.businessinsider.com/couple-together-for-three-decades-how-they-do-it-2025-9
