This as-told-to essay draws from an in-depth conversation with Shivani Singh, a 41-year-old legal professional and mother of one, based in Sydney, Australia. The narrative presented here has been carefully refined and edited for clarity and length to best reflect her thoughtful reflections and experiences.
From a young age, I was genuinely idealistic about what my future would look like. I grew up holding tightly to the notion—deeply influenced by the stories and cultural ideals surrounding me—that one day a prince charming would gallop into my life on a proverbial white horse. Together, I imagined, we would effortlessly construct the kind of warm, loving family that most people dream about. However, as I approached my late thirties and the threshold of my forties, reality began to quietly but insistently challenge these romantic expectations. I started realizing that while emotional readiness is crucial, biology has its own timeline. The longer I waited for that “perfect” partner or ideal circumstance, the less biologically feasible it seemed to embark on motherhood in the traditional sense. I could also feel certain physiological changes taking place — subtle yet unmistakable signs that I didn’t quite possess the same energy, endurance, or physical resilience that characterized my twenties and early thirties.
After much soul-searching and numerous candid discussions with my healthcare provider, I made a deliberate and deeply personal choice at age thirty-eight: to pursue motherhood through in vitro fertilization (IVF). It was one of the most significant decisions of my life—a mixture of excitement, fear, and profound self-awareness. To be completely honest, I wrestled with apprehension about potential backlash from segments of my traditional Indian community, where cultural expectations around marriage and family can be deeply rooted. I often asked myself whether my decision would invite judgment or misunderstanding. Yet, when I finally held my son for the first time, an almost immediate thought overcame me—a bittersweet realization: *I wish I had taken this step sooner.* Despite the doubts and fears that had once loomed so large, the fulfillment of holding him rendered all those uncertainties insignificant.
Balancing life as a legal professional and a single mother has been challenging, yet my parents have been unwavering pillars of strength throughout this journey. Their presence has consistently reminded me that love and support often transcend conventional notions of family structure. Before deciding to proceed with IVF, I was burdened by many fears that seemed to weigh heavily on my conscience. I deliberately limited the circle of people I confided in about my plans. Aside from a couple of trusted friends and my immediate family, I kept the process private. My hesitation wasn’t rooted in shame but rather in self-protection; I didn’t want unsolicited advice, speculation, or the well-meaning yet often intrusive “two cents” that others might feel compelled to offer. Even though I was confident that external opinions wouldn’t change my ultimate decision, I worried that hearing them could subtly alter how I perceived those individuals—or how they perceived me.
Growing up within an Indian cultural framework meant that I was familiar with traditional expectations surrounding marriage, family, and motherhood. There remains, unfortunately, a lingering stigma about single mothers—a sentiment that can make even the most self-assured person question her choices. When I first shared my decision, my mother needed time to come to terms with it; it was unfamiliar territory for her. My father, conversely, was immediately supportive, offering me reassurance not through elaborate speeches but through quiet, steady encouragement. Although pursuing parenthood alone breaks from cultural convention, my parents empowered me at every stage, never allowing me to feel isolated in the path I had chosen.
At the outset, one of my greatest worries was that my son would grow up without a father figure, missing a role model to guide him. That concern gradually faded as I observed my father’s relationship with him blossom. My father’s gentle wisdom, patience, and compassion have profoundly shaped my son’s early years. He has naturally and lovingly filled the space I once imagined would be occupied by someone else.
The IVF process itself was a complex, emotionally charged adventure. I consider myself incredibly fortunate that conception occurred during my very first cycle of treatment—a stroke of luck not every hopeful parent experiences. Yet, success didn’t come without a cost. The procedures, medical appointments, and medications tested both my physical tolerance and emotional resilience. I was required to take medications carefully designed to optimize fertility, yet their hormonal effects were intense, leaving me moody, anxious, and sometimes uncertain of how to ground myself. The countless injections and examinations, each one seeking the precise moment and location for insemination, made my body feel at once medicalized and miraculous. The fourteen days of waiting after implantation were the longest of my life—an emotional limbo between hope and anxiety. Because I had chosen not to tell many people, I carried these experiences largely on my own, which, while empowering in some ways, also deepened the solitude I felt.
When my son arrived, I received a new lesson in balance. Before motherhood, I had practiced law primarily within the public sector, where the work was rigorous but stable. After giving birth, I allowed myself the grace of a two-year maternity leave, cherishing uninterrupted time with my son and his grandparents. It was during this pause in my legal career that I finally realized another long-held aspiration—launching my own fashion e-commerce business, a project born from creative passion rather than necessity. Returning to work afterward was both affirming and daunting. I resumed my role in corporate law on a contractual basis to ensure financial consistency. The nine-to-five rhythm was demanding, yet it provided structure and the financial security I needed to sustain our small family.
My greatest ongoing struggle has been time management. Some days feel like an intricate balancing act—a metaphorical tightrope—between excelling in my career and dedicating the deep, meaningful time I want to share with my son. Among the most powerful legacies I aim to offer him is a sense of financial independence and security. I want him to grow up with the confidence to chase his aspirations without the invisible barrier of financial fear. Looking ahead, I hope that when he begins school in a few years, my fashion business will have grown enough to afford us not only stability but also the freedom to enjoy a comfortable and enriching life together. I’m acutely aware that these formative years with him are fleeting, and I remind myself daily that no professional milestone can replace the irreplaceable moments of his early childhood.
Living under the same roof as my parents has been an essential component of our family dynamic. As a single mother, the reality is that there is only one of me, and spreading myself too thin would eventually lead to exhaustion and burnout. Sharing a home with my parents provides both emotional reinforcement and logistical ease. We’ve created what I like to call a ‘horizontal family structure’—a system in which decisions are made collaboratively rather than through the traditional patriarchal hierarchy seen in many joint families. My parents contribute actively: my father handles grocery shopping and insists on helping financially whenever possible, while my mother, fully retired, dedicates herself to nurturing our household and delighting in her role as grandmother. My son, as the beloved grandson, has been showered with affection, warmth, and endless patience. My father’s presence has even naturally fulfilled that once-intimidating gap of a “male influence” in his life.
As an only child, I have always shared a close and interconnected relationship with my parents. Now, as a mother, watching that same intimate circle expand to include my own child feels profoundly meaningful. Becoming a single mother was a decision grounded entirely in my own choice—a declaration of independence as much as it was an embrace of love. Over time, this decision has grown into an integral part of my identity. Since opening up about my experience, I have been approached by many Indian women who tell me that my story has inspired them to contemplate their own paths toward motherhood, even if those paths diverge from convention. Their words remind me that personal choices, when shared openly, have the potential to ripple outward, challenging traditions, expanding possibilities, and affirming that family, at its core, is not defined by structure but by love.
Are you a parent navigating the complexities of today’s economy while raising a family? If so, you can reach out to the reporter at bdelk@insider.com to share your own story.
Sourse: https://www.businessinsider.com/single-mom-by-choice-working-full-time-parents-support-2025-11
