This first-person essay, conveyed through the words of Stephanie Essenfeld—a practicing psychotherapist renowned not only for her therapeutic work but also for her role as a conference host dedicated to teaching organizations and professionals the crucial skills of assertiveness and boundary-setting—has been carefully adapted and refined for clarity and conciseness. It captures a profoundly personal chapter of her life and the lessons that emerged from it.
In November of 2024, Stephanie and her professional team were animated with ambition and enthusiasm, eagerly envisioning the initiatives that the following year would bring. They were plotting a series of retreats and conferences scheduled for 2025, projects that promised both growth and meaningful engagement. Yet, as the year drew to a close, a moment of shattering vulnerability disrupted this forward-looking optimism. Stephanie discovered a lump in her breast—a discovery that quickly led to a medical consultation. Within days, her physician delivered life-altering news: she was facing an exceptionally aggressive form of cancer. The diagnosis introduced into her life a tidal wave of uncertainty, accompanied by the inevitable fear and grief that shadow such experiences.
For years prior to this upheaval, Stephanie had been committed to guiding others in the practice of what she calls radical acceptance—a psychological and philosophical approach that does not seek to push away or deny suffering, but instead encourages individuals to recognize and embrace pain as an integral aspect of their present reality. Radical acceptance, in her teaching, is about coexisting with discomfort and challenge without trying to resist their presence. This long-standing professional practice influenced her personal response when she confronted her own diagnosis. Though the reflexive human question of “why me?” did arise, she consciously and quickly reframed it into a more constructive inquiry: “what now?” In that moment, she acknowledged that cancer was not something to be wished away or rejected; it was an undeniable reality and thus part of the personal journey she now needed to undertake. She resolved to navigate this passage not primarily through fear and despair, but through deliberate openness, gratitude, and peace of mind. In this reframing, even emotions such as sadness, anger, and physical suffering could become openings—doorways that might, paradoxically, bring unforeseen gifts or insights.
Over the span of six intense months, Stephanie began to perceive such gifts. Her marriage deepened as her relationship with her husband strengthened in mutual support. Her daughters showed extraordinary resilience, love, and strength. The wider circle of her friends and family rallied with remarkable generosity, enveloping her in encouragement and presence. Beyond her personal life, the experience also reshaped her professional identity: facing cancer transformed her into what she now sees as a more authentic and effective leader.
At the outset of her illness, one of Stephanie’s greatest concerns was how her diagnosis would impact her professional team. She feared that her condition, with its uncertainties and interruptions, might weigh heavily on them or spark anxiety about the company’s stability. She resisted any temptation to hide the truth by adopting a facade of invulnerability. Instead, during one of the year’s very first Monday morning team meetings in January, Stephanie decided to confront the uncomfortable reality with honesty. She shared with her employees not only the diagnosis itself but also the profound unease of living with unknowns—the uncertainties of treatment, the unpredictable physical toll, and the emotional burden. This unfiltered transparency established a tone of openness that reshaped the team dynamic profoundly.
From that point forward, weekly meetings evolved into far more than routine check-ins. They became collaborative forums where Stephanie offered updates on her treatment and candidly discussed her fears. Rather than issuing commands or directives as she had often done before, she now invited her colleagues into joint brainstorming and collective decision-making about the organization’s direction. Where once she had stood on a metaphorical pedestal, making decisions from above for others to execute, she now deliberately stepped down, creating a sense of shared responsibility and collective mission.
Initially, she worried that asking for help might be mistaken for weakness. Yet, as she allowed her team to take an active role in shaping strategies and solutions, she discovered the opposite: her candid requests and vulnerability made her colleagues feel genuinely valued and validated. No longer were they simply individual pieces she moved around a chessboard; rather, they emerged as co-creators, building the larger picture together. Over time, the culture shifted: openness became reciprocal. On days when her energy faltered due to chemotherapy or fatigue, she communicated it without hesitation. In turn, her employees began to mirror this honesty, sharing their own struggles and leaning on one another. A genuine web of mutual support developed, each person stepping in when another felt depleted.
This transformation also brought about a radical evolution in Stephanie’s management style. Throughout her treatment, she recognized that continuing to micromanage was not only physically impossible but also counterproductive to the growth of her team. She gradually relinquished excessive control, while still providing a clear and motivating vision. Instead of monitoring and correcting every task, she learned the power of trust—trust that her colleagues could carry the mission forward with integrity and creativity. Previously, she had believed that leadership required unrelenting pressure to achieve results. Although such an approach did yield tangible outcomes, it often drained joy and fulfillment from the process. The juxtaposition of cancer and limited energy revealed a different truth: results could be achieved, and indeed enhanced, in an environment grounded in trust, support, and genuine enthusiasm rather than pressure and fear.
Her leadership philosophy evolved to prioritize people above sheer performance metrics. She began to ask not only about goals and deliverables but also about the emotional and psychological wellbeing of her staff members. This human-centered style did not diminish the organization’s progress—quite the opposite. Rather than unraveling, the team responded with unity, initiative, and strength. They rose to new levels of collaboration and creativity, helped by the empowering environment Stephanie intentionally created. The process revealed to her the kind of leader she deeply aspires to be when her treatment is fully behind her: someone who guides not through control but through trust, empathy, and inspiration.
The journey, though born of hardship, led to growth on multiple fronts. Both as a team and as a business, they not only survived the challenges but flourished. Unexpectedly, amid the trials of illness, Stephanie found herself experiencing some of the most profound fulfillment of her career. What began as a diagnosis threatening to destabilize her life ultimately illuminated a renewed model of leadership—one grounded not in authority and pressure, but in trust, compassion, and shared purpose.
Sourse: https://www.businessinsider.com/cancer-made-me-a-better-manager-2025-9
